Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
