I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
