Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
only you would photoshop your dick
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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