but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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