I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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