So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
