thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
