If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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