no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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