would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
