I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
