Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
