dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
