Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
pop tarts are not kleenex
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
