I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
