Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
