i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
