my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
