I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
