Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
