I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
