I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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