How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
