I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
