I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
