The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
