I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
