It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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