Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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