thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
