Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
