I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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