bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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