someone threw a dead crab at me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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