he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
