my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
