my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
