whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
