I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
