she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
