If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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