everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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