I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
