I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just forgot I was standing up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
