Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i came on her dog
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
