My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just pee around me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
