I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
