what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
