No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
