i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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