You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
