nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
